GeneralDiscussionRejects

Ftruck05 · Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2009 7:13 pm Post subject:

How do you know when a moth farts?

It flys in a straight line.
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DaveG99 · Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:41 am Post subject:

Fridays In Hell !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil ...

Satan: 'Why so glum?'

Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'

Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'

Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'

Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!'

Satan: 'You a smoker?'\

Guy: 'You better believe it'

Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?'

Guy: 'Wow ... that's awesome!'

Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'

Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

Satan: 'Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'

Guy: 'Cool!'

Satan: 'What about drugs?'

Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean ..?'

Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares.'

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

Satan: 'You gay?'

Guy: 'No...'

Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough ...
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Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile -Albert Einstein

DaveG99 · Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 3:18 pm Post subject:

Job applicant for sheriff dept.

A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff's Department was being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview said "Your qualifications all look good,
but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he said, "Take this pistol and ammo and go out and shoot six
illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," said the Sergeant. "When can you start?"
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Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile -Albert Einstein

PO1911 · Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:45 pm Post subject:

^10/10 Dave I just spit egg salad all over my laptop thanks Laughing

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“The police cannot protect the citizen at this stage of our development, and they cannot even protect themselves in many cases. It is up to the private citizen to protect himself and his family, and this is not only acceptable, but mandatory.” Jeff Cooper

sig by http://www.screen-fx.net/

DaveG99 · Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:13 am Post subject:

Q) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A) Ask your mother

Q) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A) Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A) A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

A) Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Q) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A) A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

A) No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q) What do you call a guy standing beside the road with his hand up a horse's ass?

A) An Amish mechanic.

Q) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

A) The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

A) The one who can eat that last donut.

Q) Jewish dilemma:

A) Free PORK.

Q) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:

A) "Are you in?"

Q) The three words women hate to hear most during good sex:

A) "Honey, I'm home!"
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Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile -Albert Einstein

ranger81 · O.G.D.R Joined: 20 Dec 2008 Posts: 362 Location: MN

homer · O.G.D.R Joined: 17 Nov 2008 Posts: 390 Location: Iowa

Very nice

ranger81 · O.G.D.R Joined: 20 Dec 2008 Posts: 362 Location: MN

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.

Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while. Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch. In pain she screamed "What the hell did you do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "Tarzan Always check for squirrels First ."

DaveG99 · Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:32 pm Post subject:

Bumped for crazed
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Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile -Albert Einstein

CrAz3D · Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 1:28 pm Post subject:

ah! I just looked on a couple pages. I shouldve searched. hahaha
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CrAz3D · Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 2:25 pm Post subject:

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CrAz3D · Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 1:39 pm Post subject:

i like how this thread is stickied now Wink

!

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Bob.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her MY name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

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(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)
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squirtbottle09 · Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 2:28 pm Post subject:

Haha 10/10^^^^
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CrAz3D · Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 2:46 pm Post subject:

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4369055

Epic fark title.

alomar · O.G.D.R Joined: 17 Nov 2008 Posts: 837

The animated gifs made me lol