GeneralDiscussionRejects

shifty_85 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:34 pm Post subject:

Ex's are like slinky's no use whatsoever but they make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

The best engine in the world is a pussy it takes any size piston, Self lubricates, starts with one finger and does its own oil change every 30 days

i wanna combine the NAACP and Mother against drunk driving. i will call it "Mothers against the advancement of colored people"

Get these txts from my buddys dad lol

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:44 pm Post subject:

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:51 pm Post subject:

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.

With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you're trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It's the shit house door off a tuna boat!"

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:26 pm Post subject:

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject:

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:53 pm Post subject:

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 6:11 pm Post subject:

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.

The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."

The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject:

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:01 pm Post subject:

Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in awfully
deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation; he tells them he's studying medicine and that they're not to worry about a thing. He then sticks two fingers up the man's nose and asks him to blow, and low and behold, the nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks, the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck. "So" the wife says, "what do you think he'll become after he finishes school? A GP or a surgeon?"

"Well says the man, rubbing his nose, "by the smell of his fingers, I think he's likely to be our son-in-law."

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:02 pm Post subject:

yes I am fucking bored and have nothing better to do Shocked

Dankle 666 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:04 pm Post subject:

Bummer man, at least I got a few laughs while sitting here at work.
_________________
Sig by Storm @ Screenfx.. Thanks!

PO1911 · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject:

A man and his four year old son are talking, when his son asks him "Dad, what does a pussy look like?" The Dad confused, asks him " before or after sex?" The kid says "Ummm before sex" So the dad says to him "Well have u ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red peddles." "yeah" says the son."well what about after sex" he says to his dad. His dad replies " Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"

Magnetic · O.G.D.R Joined: 29 Oct 2008 Posts: 326 Location: Texas

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right? We can make a lot of money between the two of us.
_________________

Pro Choice To Hang Liberals

Magnetic · O.G.D.R Joined: 29 Oct 2008 Posts: 326 Location: Texas

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around for a month after you put a load in it.
_________________

Pro Choice To Hang Liberals

Magnetic · O.G.D.R Joined: 29 Oct 2008 Posts: 326 Location: Texas

What do you call 100 black people buried up to their neck?

Afroturf.
_________________

Pro Choice To Hang Liberals